so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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