Swine flu. Run for my life!
Your dad touched me again.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wish you could order shots online.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
