Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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