Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
