Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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