I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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