you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
