Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
