Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
