so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
