New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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