After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
