This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
