I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
