Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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