Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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