I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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