I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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