Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
