***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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