I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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