I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
