There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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