You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
