just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
