I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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