i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
