My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
