I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
