At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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