What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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