If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
