i think my tv is drunk
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
