nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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