Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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