the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
