now i know why i became what i already was.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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