She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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