after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
