do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
