I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
