You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
