you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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