I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
