just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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