Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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