I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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