So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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