The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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