I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
