I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
