Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
