i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
