he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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