my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
