Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
