Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
